Not to be mistaken with friendly fun drunken lesbians who want to party. Oh no. There was no happy fun friendliness where I was. LOL
Anyway...
CLICK HERE
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Fun with Random Instant Messages
I was going to transcribe these into seperate blogs, but I've since changed my mind. I first posted this into 'blog form' after having spent the afternoon in a room full of angry feminist lesbians.
Not to be mistaken with friendly fun drunken lesbians who want to party. Oh no. There was no happy fun friendliness where I was. LOL
Anyway...
CLICK HERE
Not to be mistaken with friendly fun drunken lesbians who want to party. Oh no. There was no happy fun friendliness where I was. LOL
Anyway...
CLICK HERE
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Generally Speaking...
It's interesting...
I grew up in Astoria, Oregon, a small coastal town of limited diversity, and I had thought I had heard it all in regards to generalizations based on race, gender, etc.
But when I moved down to the Bay Area, I learned a new one: DWA.
Or "Driving While Asian".
I had never heard this before. Apparently, Asians are bad drivers.
Where I came from, what you heard most of the time was the more nostalgic yet sexist "Women Are Bad Drivers" thing.
Or, even more locally specific, people from Washington are bad drivers - as if Oregonians have the lockdown on good driving and are oh so different than the state directly across the river from where I grew up.
What's interesting about my hometown, for being so redneck, is that while most people there are a variation of some kind of Scandinavian, we also had a small but proportionally large for the area, all things considered, Asian community. Mostly Chinese, though there were at least 2 Vietnamese families as well.
But not once while driving through Astoria with my windows down, something you can't do very often due to the 360 days per year of rain, did I ever hear anyone screaming from their pick-up truck, "DAMN ASIAN DRIVERS!".
Not once.
Once I finished school, I moved to the 'big city' of Portland, OR.
More diverse than Astoria, but still no Asian Motorist Hate.
But since I've been down in the Silicon Valley, I've heard the term DWA used. A lot. On stage by fellow comedians, off stage, at the grocery store, and mostly from other Asians, which I find entertaining.
It's as if a lot of them have resigned to the prevalence of that particular generalization, and now use their ethnicity as an excuse to be a shitty driver.
Like a girlfriend of mine claims she bleaches her hair to a bright platinum blonde so that "people expect less of her".
Same mentality.
Thinking maybe I was just missing something, I called my sister back up in Oregon. Her husband is Chinese, which makes my nieces and nephew half Chinese, and I think my "momma bear" (or would that be "auntie bear"?) tendencies make me a little prickly when it comes to any anti-Asian stereotype.
So I called and asked her if she'd ever heard this stereotype. She hadn't.
I asked one of my nieces. Newp. Hadn't heard it either.
Huh.
By nature, I have always tried to disprove stereotypes. Mostly personal ones like "You can't do this because you're a girl".
I had a little book, titled "School Days", that my mother bought for me when I started Kindgergarten.
I filled it out every school year, and one of the sections was "What I Want To Be When I Grow Up".
It had a girls section with options like Mother, Teacher, Nurse, Secretary.
And a boys section with options like Astronaut, Fireman, Doctor, Businessman.
I was very proud of my younger self to discover, when I picked up this forgotten journal of mine, that by the 3rd grade I was crossing out the girl side and choosing whatever the hell occupation I wanted - and they were all on the boy side. I had forgotten about this, but I had obviously made a very conscious observation at a very young age that this segregation was bullshit.
I wanted to be a goddamn Astronaut. Don't fence me in.
Due to a geographical fluke that led to the only other girls in my neighborhood being a bit snooty and more interested in playing with yucky dolls, all my friends were boys - they had better toys!
And I could pretty much, if I chose to, kick every single one of their asses. They would probably argue with this now, but it's true, and because of this knowledge, I refused to believe that I was a 'weaker sex'. I was a tough little broad. Dammit. Try and tell me otherwise and I'll kick over your snowman!
Actually at that point in my life, if you referred to my gender as my 'sex', I freaked out and ran out of the room, but that's neither here nor there. My how times change.
Anyway...back to DWA.
Like I said, I like to disprove what I think are baseless generalizations that people make. So I started paying pretty strict attention to who the shitty drivers were when I was on the road.
I would notice someone braking for no reason. Or swerving a bit. Or just generally doing something stupid. And I would maneuver to see who was driving, while saying to myself, "Please don't be Asian. Please don't be Asian. Please don't be...OHH! Goddamnit!"
Because they were more often than not just that: Asian.
I hadn't noticed any gender spike - it was pretty equally male and female stupidity I was noticing, but 9 out of 10 times...the Asians were, in fact, the culprit.
Then something dawned on me...as I passed by three or four Asian shopping centers on my way to the bank.
Of course the shitty drivers down here are primarily Asian:
THE PEOPLE DOWN HERE ARE PRIMARILY ASIAN.
It's simple math.
To say that, because most of the bad drivers you run into in this area are Asian would be like driving through Salt Lake City and noticing that all the bad drivers are Mormon.
GODDAMN MORMON DRIVERS!
Or to drive through the parking lot at a Melissa Etheridge concert and notice that all the shitty parking jobs were done by Lesbians.
GODDAMN LESBIAN PARKERS!
California is not more diverse than Oregon, as I once thought it would be.
It is more Asian.
There is a difference.
And it doesn't mean jack shit.
Even if you think it does.
I thought you should know.
I grew up in Astoria, Oregon, a small coastal town of limited diversity, and I had thought I had heard it all in regards to generalizations based on race, gender, etc.
But when I moved down to the Bay Area, I learned a new one: DWA.
Or "Driving While Asian".
I had never heard this before. Apparently, Asians are bad drivers.
Where I came from, what you heard most of the time was the more nostalgic yet sexist "Women Are Bad Drivers" thing.
Or, even more locally specific, people from Washington are bad drivers - as if Oregonians have the lockdown on good driving and are oh so different than the state directly across the river from where I grew up.
What's interesting about my hometown, for being so redneck, is that while most people there are a variation of some kind of Scandinavian, we also had a small but proportionally large for the area, all things considered, Asian community. Mostly Chinese, though there were at least 2 Vietnamese families as well.
But not once while driving through Astoria with my windows down, something you can't do very often due to the 360 days per year of rain, did I ever hear anyone screaming from their pick-up truck, "DAMN ASIAN DRIVERS!".
Not once.
Once I finished school, I moved to the 'big city' of Portland, OR.
More diverse than Astoria, but still no Asian Motorist Hate.
But since I've been down in the Silicon Valley, I've heard the term DWA used. A lot. On stage by fellow comedians, off stage, at the grocery store, and mostly from other Asians, which I find entertaining.
It's as if a lot of them have resigned to the prevalence of that particular generalization, and now use their ethnicity as an excuse to be a shitty driver.
Like a girlfriend of mine claims she bleaches her hair to a bright platinum blonde so that "people expect less of her".
Same mentality.
Thinking maybe I was just missing something, I called my sister back up in Oregon. Her husband is Chinese, which makes my nieces and nephew half Chinese, and I think my "momma bear" (or would that be "auntie bear"?) tendencies make me a little prickly when it comes to any anti-Asian stereotype.
So I called and asked her if she'd ever heard this stereotype. She hadn't.
I asked one of my nieces. Newp. Hadn't heard it either.
Huh.
By nature, I have always tried to disprove stereotypes. Mostly personal ones like "You can't do this because you're a girl".
I had a little book, titled "School Days", that my mother bought for me when I started Kindgergarten.
I filled it out every school year, and one of the sections was "What I Want To Be When I Grow Up".
It had a girls section with options like Mother, Teacher, Nurse, Secretary.
And a boys section with options like Astronaut, Fireman, Doctor, Businessman.
I was very proud of my younger self to discover, when I picked up this forgotten journal of mine, that by the 3rd grade I was crossing out the girl side and choosing whatever the hell occupation I wanted - and they were all on the boy side. I had forgotten about this, but I had obviously made a very conscious observation at a very young age that this segregation was bullshit.
I wanted to be a goddamn Astronaut. Don't fence me in.
Due to a geographical fluke that led to the only other girls in my neighborhood being a bit snooty and more interested in playing with yucky dolls, all my friends were boys - they had better toys!
And I could pretty much, if I chose to, kick every single one of their asses. They would probably argue with this now, but it's true, and because of this knowledge, I refused to believe that I was a 'weaker sex'. I was a tough little broad. Dammit. Try and tell me otherwise and I'll kick over your snowman!
Actually at that point in my life, if you referred to my gender as my 'sex', I freaked out and ran out of the room, but that's neither here nor there. My how times change.
Anyway...back to DWA.
Like I said, I like to disprove what I think are baseless generalizations that people make. So I started paying pretty strict attention to who the shitty drivers were when I was on the road.
I would notice someone braking for no reason. Or swerving a bit. Or just generally doing something stupid. And I would maneuver to see who was driving, while saying to myself, "Please don't be Asian. Please don't be Asian. Please don't be...OHH! Goddamnit!"
Because they were more often than not just that: Asian.
I hadn't noticed any gender spike - it was pretty equally male and female stupidity I was noticing, but 9 out of 10 times...the Asians were, in fact, the culprit.
Then something dawned on me...as I passed by three or four Asian shopping centers on my way to the bank.
Of course the shitty drivers down here are primarily Asian:
THE PEOPLE DOWN HERE ARE PRIMARILY ASIAN.
It's simple math.
To say that, because most of the bad drivers you run into in this area are Asian would be like driving through Salt Lake City and noticing that all the bad drivers are Mormon.
GODDAMN MORMON DRIVERS!
Or to drive through the parking lot at a Melissa Etheridge concert and notice that all the shitty parking jobs were done by Lesbians.
GODDAMN LESBIAN PARKERS!
California is not more diverse than Oregon, as I once thought it would be.
It is more Asian.
There is a difference.
And it doesn't mean jack shit.
Even if you think it does.
I thought you should know.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Whiny Vagina Card
A while back, I wrote a blog titled "Sometimes it's because you're black". This blog is about jackasses that play the race card instead of taking accountability for one's own douchebaggery.
It drives me nuts when someone sucks, another someone points out that they suck, and the person who sucks figures, well, I can't possibly suck, so YOU MUST HATE ME CUZ I'M BLACK.
No, it's because you suck and it wouldn't matter if you were plaid or pea green, you'd still suck.
You know what bugs me just as much - and probably more than the race card?
The whiny vagina card.
I FUCKING HATE THE WHINY VAGINA CARD!
The whiny vagina card is everywhere. It’s in your schools, it’s in your gym, it’s in your workplace.
I’ve personally noticed that it gets played a lot in the stand up comedy scene.
I find it amusing when someone sees a line up of comedians booked at a particular show, maybe 2 shows in a row by the same person, and then screams from the roof top - THAT BOOKER HATES WOMEN! HE WON'T BOOK ME BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN, AND HE HATES WOMEN.
I especially find it amusing when they're hollering about a booker who has booked me on several occasions.
Is it because of my gigantic throbbing penis? Well, maybe…
Or maybe I'm booked because, oh shit, I don't know...they find me amusing and so does the crowd. Crazy, but that might be true.
"We women need to stick together and shove our bleeding vaginas in the men's faces, that'll show them!"
What....what will it show them exactly?
That we're whiny cunts that can't stand on our own, so instead we should present sisterly solidarity to show how much we suck in large numbers?
Fuck you, and fuck that.
It's shit like this that makes me pissed off to be a part of a particular gender.
DO NOT GET ME WRONG...
I love being a woman.
I love having a vagina, I love having boobs, I love getting to dress up and wear make up and get free drinks when I go out.
It's fucking rad.
It really is!
But am I going to assume that, when someone fails to book me after I annoy the crap out of them that it's because of the vacuous hole between my legs?
No.
I'm going to assume that, hey, maybe this person doesn't want to book me, maybe they have a say on who they do and don't book, maybe they think I suck and never want to hear me talk about anal bleaching on a stage that they're managing.
Wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last.
But what I won't do is hide behind my vagina and wave the Pussy Pitty Party flag.
Jesus Christ.
Just like I hate women who file lawsuits over a compliment about the way they are dressed, just like I hate women who weasel their way into jobs that they're not even remotely qualified for (102lb woman who can't pass a firefighter physical over a, gasp, white male who passed it with flying colors after finishing his fire science training...that kind of shit), just like I hate women who scream "SISTERHOOD" but as soon as you turn your back they become catty little twats, and just like I hate women who get drunk, fuck the entire football team, and then scream rape the next day because it sounds better than owning up to their fucking actions...
I can not stand, tolerate or respect a woman who hides behind their fucking vagina instead of being accountable for their own inadequacy as a human being.
It’s not because you’re a woman.
It’s probably because you’re a whiny cunt.
OH, also...
If I hear another woman suggest that being a total rag is acceptable because, "Oh, I can't be accountable for what I said...I was on my period," I may reach up and rip their fucking uterus out.
If you really can't control yourself due to the gaping blood faucet you harbor between your cottage cheese thighs, you should be on psychotropic medication.
Seriously.
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